Change

Over the past few months, I’ve come to notice something about myself. I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot since High School.  I’m not sure whether it’s good or bad, but I can at least see it. Which is more than I can say for a lot of people.

I remember back in high school, I used to be a fun-loving, careless person. All I really could think about was what stepdad was going to make for dinner or how hard the test would be. I never really put much thought into my future, thinking I still had a long time to figure things out. I was able to be immature, to “fangirl” over anime characters, or draw happy-go-lucky pictures. I was able to laugh with friends and experience one of the key events in my life. I was able to be secretly depressed about not having anybody to be with while people around me broke their hearts on unfaithful companions. I was able to delve right into the typical drama that high school is associated with.

Well, four years go by really fast, apparently. Before I knew it, it was graduation day and I didn’t have a hope for the future besides go to CNM and then transfer to UNM. I didn’t know anything about my career market, and I was honestly too scared to find out. I know now, that I don’t really want to do much with my art besides sell commissions. I feel like working for a big film company would be just..too much work for me, and I would lose my art muse within a week. So now I’m opting more for a retail business, and am hoping to get a job working with pets if I can.

People grow and change. It’s a demanding world, and I’ve been swept into the stream. Some people refuse to mature, out of fear for the outside world. They have things provided for them, so they end up never learning. Others have to provide for themselves at a young age. I had a lot provided for me, and I took most of it for granted. Now, I live in a wonderful state with a wonderful person and two awesome roommates. The only way things could be better is if I got a job. I’m glad I made the decision to move 1450 miles away from my home state. It’s allowed me to start a new life with my boyfriend, instead of dragging him out of his comfort zone and into my own, or vice versa. We were both taken from our comfort zones and forced to adapt, and it’s turning out to be a good life experience, especially with all the stresses we face.

I may not have many of them, but I am grateful for the friends I do still have- whether they’re online or in life. Well, most of my friends are online friends now, since all of us Moriarty High School kids went our separate ways. I go through my life and realize sometimes that I miss how things were. But at the same time, the only thing I would go back and do over is Homecoming and Prom. I never went, and those were a once in a lifetime opportunities I missed out on because I was socially awkward. I miss seeing my high school friends every day, miss my teachers as well. College was not really all that memorable, not nearly as much as High School was.

I’m not really sure anymore what I’m trying to get at. I guess all I’m trying to say is that yes. I’ve changed. I can’t really afford to be that care-free, fun-loving person I was back in high school. Too much has happened, and too much has changed. And if you can’t accept me for who I am now, then I just ask you to walk away. It will make me sad to see you go, but I do believe I reserve the right to go about my life in the way I want. You may not think it’s the right way, but it’s my way.

I’m going to stop now, since this is going on to two pages in word. But I’m just going to end with a little more. To those of you that still count me as a friend- I thank you for sticking by me, even through my changes. And to James, because he makes this life livable. Before him, I didn’t have anything to really look forward to. I just wish I could’ve gotten to know him through high school, and not just through the last semester of our senior year. I would’ve loved to talk to him day in and day out, to comfort him when he really needed it most. Granted, it may have remained a long distance relationship, and I’m not sure we would even be dating now if we had known each other before-hand. But thanks for brightening everything for me and being there for me when I need you, even if I’m not the most agreeable person in the world.

Ok, I’m done now lol. If you read this til the end, you get a cookie, congratz!

Me and James, rounding on 2 and a half years now. We need to take more pics together D: